I thought tonight was maybe just an off night, but I actually think I've had a revelation I won't shake off in the morning.
Our current time, right now, 2025, feels more dire and uncertain than 2020 did. It is fucking unreal what is treated as normal right now.

I see videos talking about Donald Trump committing crimes against humanity with clickable thumbnails, and I see those often.
Police forces are starting "gender-critical divisions".
I've already treated my request to change my gender marker as failed, just assuming Alberta will go corrupt.

What are we doing here? The systems of the world we know are collapsing, and the only place to run is another continent. With COVID, an incurable, potentially lethal disease, was scary and existential. But in a sense, even though it was in the air, you could hide.
We all did. We hid in our homes alone, together. There was solidarity, and there was comfort in the fact we all felt uncomfortable.
It was a really specific doom then, a stillness of time that wouldn't budge, a sense that my world was on pause, and that my routine was slipping. Nowadays I stay up until 6am on accident. I still eat weird snacks late at night. I still live on my computer.
I cannot run from the dangers of today, for it is not a biological danger, but a mental one. Other people become aggressive, are repressed, etc, etc.
This is all so wrong. It doesn't feel real. It isn't fair that I struggle to comprehend a future for myself. Fuck everyone who's taken that from me.

You will pry my life from my clawed hands.